WEEK 18

I slept on it. A really good test. And I still want this to be my last blog entry for “Emily Goes Boxing.”

It has nothing to do with Boxing. I am still totally into it. Totally.

It has everything to do with writing. I started this blog too see how I would write autobiographically. Too see what I could write in an hour. Every week. To see if writing this blog would enhance my boxing. To see if I would surprise myself….I guess I did enough of that. Cause I feel done.

I was considering -Hey-don’t be so rigid. Just post something when you want to. But that’s not my style. I need to be rigid in order not to be….MAYBE, as a learning thing, that should be my next blog-to write what I want when I want to-blog.

I get something more out of writing fiction and plays.(Fictional plays.) Other than crafting. I fear someday I won’t want to write fiction or plays-and THEN WHAT?! With this kind of writing-I don’t fear the THEN WHAT?! I’m guess it’s the dicovery part of fiction and plays.

But I had much more of an audience with this blog than I have had with anything else I have written. And that kept me going for as long as I did. It’s nice to be appreciated. I don’t know how else to say Thank you to those who have told me they like reading my blog, other than to say thank you.

The boxing stance can be useful in many different situations- cause it puts your center of gravity to use-making you stable. For example. You won’t fall smack on the ground when walking your sister’s 75 pound dog-and the dog lunges at a cat. Also. You can test your balance when standing up on the BART (Subway). Especially when it jerks into a station.

Instead of saying “Till Next Thursday….” I will say…….

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WEEK 17

You know when people tell you something “that was so funny.” And it is, sort of funny. But mainly you had to be there. Cause it was about the interaction in the moment. Well. I’m about to do that-tell a “It was so funny” story. Why? I don’t know. Do I need to know my motivation to tell the story? No. But I really wish I knew why. Why do I want to know why? I don’t know.

……. It was so funny. (Not really-cause you had to be there.) I was sitting on the bench at the end of my workout and had my yellow bird t-shirt on. Cartoon birds cover the t-shirt, moving in a flock. Except one bird is going the opposite direction and is wearing sneakers. The t-shirt has a pre-school flair. T sits down next to me and says, “Hey-He has that exact t-shirt.” “He” looks like he could just stand in the ring and knock someone out by looking at him. But I believe T. For a second. I think. Wow. This guy shops on Valencia Street too. Wow. What an odd and interesting choice for that guy. So I say. “Really?” The guy is already laughing at what T said. And then I become AWARE that is a joke. I suddenly become a cool person. Somehow I recover with a comeback and just as the guy was leaving I said, “But your t-shirt is in pink. Right.” Without a pause the guy said, “Yep. With lavender trim. And I have matching socks.”

I wonder if I needed to tell that story cause it felt like my first -“I’m one of the guys” moment. (A good thing.)

I have other funny stories that happen this week at the gym-involving jokes I had with some kids. But I don’t want to show off. (Obviously I do want to show off but I am restraining myself.)

T asked if I felt neglected-If I am getting enough training time. I told him that I could spend 10 hours a day hitting the mitts-just practicing my jab. But that’s in my compulsive world. In reality-I don’t feel neglected. I’m learning tons. And I appreciate how much he notices….. I’m always trying to be independent and making my own way (faking it at first, till it becomes natural) that him asking me that felt like a prize……

Why is it that some days I peel my hard boiled egg, or walk the dog, or put hair gel in my hair or any other daily routine, and it feels like drudgery. Makes me think-One day till Friday. But then only 2 day’s before Monday. Makes me question life.  And on other days the same exact routine will feel like just a drop in the wondrous big picture of life. Half the week was drudgery. Half the week had flow. WHY?

Till next Thursday…..

WEEK 16

SLEEP ON IT. I know better than to write this blog when I am feeling sorry for myself-when I think the whole boxing world is looking at me and thinking, “Why doesn’t she just give it up. What is the use with a jab like that!” I slept on it. I still think I suck at boxing but at least now I have some hope and determination and so this blog entry will hopefully not sound like a teenager’s angst filled journal.

Come on. Look how much I have improved. Lets put it in prospective. Something I had NO ability to do yesterday at the gym when I was comparing myself to everyone and T had just told me I have a bunch of unexplainable head and arm quirks-little unnecessary movements that I can do if I want to-if I want to slow myself down. He’s right. What the hell am I doing? The guy who started the same time I did-he doesn’t do that. He’s fast and accurate and WAY better than me……Sure he’s 20 something and comes everyday to the gym. But really. THAT good??

Um. Where is my hope and determination that I woke up with?

Okay. But can you do this? (Who am I talking to?) I am up to two sets of 4 chin-ups. (bad day is 4 and 3) with only a minute in between. Yep. ……But I can only do one pull-up. (The palms facing outward) They rely more on the back less on biceps. A chin-up won’t save my life if I fall off a building. My hands would be facing the wrong way. I need to do more pull-ups.

AT LEAST I didn’t not express my feelings yesterday at the gym. I know better than to open my mouth when I am feeeeeeling. (Leaned that at a very young age for some reason.) It comes out SO wrong and is received with….well….backing away. Cause if I had said how I was feeeeeeling to T, it would have been something like, “So. Have you lost all hope that I will ever be a good boxer? Have you given up on me? Am I so bad that it’s not worth training me? Did we not do the mitts today cause you couldn’t bare watching me struggle with ugly punches and my lack of confidence? Is it just too horrible to watch?”

SO GLAD I didn’t express my feeeeeelings!

I love the process of things I love the process of. And boxing is one of them. So I don’t know why I get in these funks. And geeeez. I am ten times better than when I started. And a couple of people at the gym have said that I learn quickly. (Those were GOOD days….even if in my head I am thinking….yeah but not as quickly as That guy.) But really! What is my problem! What gets me so down?! I guess it’s that when you care about something it can go extreme.

Come to think about it…..Yesterday could have been the pre, upping my game-blues. A lot of times I suck more than usual just before I reach a new level of skill…..It’s never just an onward and upward. It’s an upward-downward-higher upward. Repeat. (The downs have never gone back down to the beginning. Few)

Good. I woke up NOT hating boxing. And can feel myself wanting to watch my favorite how to jab YouTube video. Also. Had a bit of an internal laugh about boxing gloves-so big and puffy. They do look kind of funny on everyone.

Till next Thursday……